On Riding in Groups

Riding in groups is rather a dark art. Most of the time people ride along perfectly happy by themselves. Riding in a group at first feels rather un-natural- too close, too far, OMG I'm gonna kill that guy in front of me. 


But eventually you get used to it and just get so bored you eventually see that the label on the back of the person in front of you's shorts says 40 degree wash only. In fact, they should print things on the back of cycling shorts- poetry or algebra equations or something for long rides. 


The other thing is that it's just easier. The person in front of you acts as a windbreak, and it's a hellofalot easier on the ol' legs. A distance of about a wheel length will get you the best aerodynamic advantage, although if you watch the professionals, they're pretty much rubbing rubber (no innuendo implied ;-) ). 


It can be real disconcerting being in the middle of the group with someone in front and behind you- the old cyclist sammich. Worry about the person in front of you- if you keep looking back, you will hit the person in front. If the worst happens, rather than braking hard, try to steer round. 


A secret code was forged, long ago, by early cyclists. It is occasionally passed down by the cycling elders (spotable by their sandals and beards) to "young 'uns". It consists of a series of different hand signals.


Pothole/drain cover/roadkill- Lower an arm  to your side and draw a circle with your hand, depending on which side it was. If you're in a group, the person at the front will be the only person who has time to react to them. Pass the signal back and you'll stop folk getting punctures, buckled wheels.


Stopping- A right handed fist, bend towards the sky. Give people some time to react, and yell that you're gonna stop too. Just stopping will probably lead to you gaining a passenger on your bicycle. And not in a good way.


I'm gonna go- Mainly useful at roundabouts, particularly when going straight on. A flat palm wave forwards past your ear to indicate you're gonna go to peeps behind you.


Apparently that's as far as the cycling elders got before falling asleep in their warm pints of real ale. There are more, but these are the most commonly used and most easily understood ones.

I Know You're Ahab, goddamn it!

First, the title- a very good friend of mine commented on the content with this. I thought I would share :-)


Less than a week to go now- pressures are being checked, chains are being greased and I still don't have functioning brakes! I am currently attempting to starve off a vampiric cold with double doses of vitamin C and zinc- my second in two weeks. Grargh.


But yes, news is afoot! The route has been planned, and I'm sure the gang wont mind me putting it up on here :-).


Day 1. Dundee to Pitlochry. 89.47km. 55.397m

http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/30414420

Day 2. Faskally – Roybridge.99.11km. 61.4 miles.

http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/30317382

Day 3. Roybridge – Resipole. 72.34km. 44m.
http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/30319792

C2C Day 4. Resipole – Ardnamurchan. 44.65km. 27.7m.
http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/30418054

Hills (the eternal enemy) are rated on a scale from 1-5 in professional cycling based on length and how tall the hills is. We have 3 cat.5 climbs and one cat.4, so we should be alright :-). Points for whoever comes over the top first perhaps :-p.

Less than a week- really excited! Not sure how much we've raised, but there is still time to donate- click below to go to the DARE Paypal site! Anything you can spare is much appreciated :-)

On Training Rides and "The Bonk"

So yesterday was the third training ride, the second one I've been on. Out to Arbroath and then back the same way. With the wind behind us, we set out towards the land of the enigmatic "smokie" and birthplace of the inventor of the waterbed (no, seriously!) The going was pretty good, with a nice tail wind (the kinder sibling of the head/facewind.) 


Upon arriving in Arbroath, we decided on following my idea of going to a little cafe I visited last year on a similar ride. 4 miles out of Arbroath, after a long hill climb, it occurred to me that I wasn't really 100% sure if we were going the correct way. Not lost, just not quite sure :-p. On the plus side, it was good exercise. Right guys? 


Back in Arbroath, we sampled the delights of the eponymous Arbroath Smokie. For the uninitiated, this is a smoked haddock (Sorry Calum, not mackerel) and a speciality of the area. After much clicking around on cleated shoes, we found a fishmonger selling them pretty much fresh from the oven. 

Gotta watch them seagulls...

With giant seagulls circling, we sampled the delights of Arbroath's delicacy. I guess the closest thing that Dundee has is the Moch chop- a fake pork chop made from meat of dubious origin. It's so mysterious that wikipedia declared it a "mythical foodstuff" and removed the page. 




Unfortunately, the tailwind, on the way back became a fierce facewind. Just past Carnoustie, we were starting to struggle a little bit, so a quick skittle break was in order. "the bonk" had hit. This aforementioned condition is unique to cyclists, and similar to "hitting the wall". Physiologically, it comes from losing the glycogen stores in your muscles. Symptoms include
-Concrete legs
-Blurred vision
-Grey colouration
-Gibbering to oneself
-Cramp


The cure is simple- sugar, and plenty of it. The bonk sufferer will not want to eat or drink, but it's necessary. Quick 10 minute break and you'll feel like a new man/woman. Of course prevention is better than cure, so eat for half an hour ahead, even if you aren't hungry at the time.

And for the cramp, always carry some of this -----------------------> a little pinch on the tongue, followed up with some water should get rid of most cramping pretty much straight off. A very old cyclist (with a beard) told me this sage piece of wisdom, and I didn't believe him until I tried it.


For those who fancy giving the route a try, and for the guys on the ride, I've put the details up here! 


It's only 11 days until the big ride now, and I'm starting to feel more confident. On Friday, we had the first of two maintenance workshops, from the lovely folks at Spokes in Dundee. Learnt a few useful things, and I think we're prepared for most eventualities now.


Not sure how much we've raised just yet, but we can raise more. You can donate by clicking on the picture below:

The whats, the wherefores and the whys...

It's now two weeks (and a bit) until I start on the Coast To Coast D.A.R.E Ride. For those who have just arrived, it's gonna be 222 miles, and it's entirely to raise money for various charities that D.A.R.E support. 

Whilst talking to people, a few have expressed doubt in what raising any amount of money will actually achieve. There is a perception that for many of the DARE volunteers that this is a "gap yaah" trip. This ain't true folks! They pay their own expenses- air fare, food, accomodation; the whole nine yards.

As for where the money goes, DARE will be donating absolutely everything we raise to a series of small charities (no wastage on administration and them hiring high up CEOs and stuff that way!). We (the guys riding) are paying for our food, accomodation, van hire and fuel (both petroleum-based and mars bar-based!) for the trip. There's no margin for any kind of expenses at all for us either. We're not messing about here :-) 

Charities that DARE are supporting this year include:

The Casa Jackson Centre for Malnourished Children (www.casajackson.org) is a small children's unit in Guatemala. They treat malnutrition (not suprisingly, from their name!) in a country where it is estimated that over 50% of the nation's children are malnourished. 

Little Big Africa (www.littlebigafrica.org) a small charity that works in Africa on smaller projects. The basic idea is that smaller projects lead to smaller logistical and administrative costs and thus more of the money donated can go towards the projects.

Don Bosco Children's Home in Borneo, a small childrens home in the town of Bundu Tuhan.

And more to come when I get more information on them. You can sponsor us for the ride by clicking the link below (which I've put in large print so you can't miss it). It's anonymous (unless you want to tell me) and dead quick:

Music to Ride to (O RLY?)

Now I'm not one to advocate becoming one of the cycle iPod zombies that various newspapers report on on a slow news day. Riding with your cans on full blast is rather on the silly side. I learnt this harder as any when I was a kid and did a "Starsky" over the bonnet of a white Mondeo that appeared in front of me. Didn't hear the damn thing (I was probably listening to something like Linkin Park- from the angsty teen section). 


Ever since then, I've been a bit more careful. And the bike was fine by the way. But having music on a long ride out definitely a winner. Having that one track to spur you on can get you over the top of that hill. Music is beautiful- "louder than words and bigger than pictures". But what to listen to?

No, really!

For the truly obsessed, there is one pure cycling option- Kraftwerk's "Tour De France Soundtracks". Released in 2003 (yeah, not in the 80s!) it consists of a series of songs around the central theme of Le Tour. These guys love cycling so much they sell cycling jerseys alongside their band t-shirts! It's actually rather good. The video below is "le etape", which comes halfway between cycling music and Underworld's "Born Slippy". It might not be to everyone's taste, but whatever you are doing, listening to this song seems to make it feel faster (probably than it is)

For the rest of us mere mortals who don't have chain lube for blood, there are alternatives. Time to bare my soul and give you my ultimate playlist:


The Warm-up
-Stone Roses- Begging You
-Chemical Brothers- Block Rockin' Beats


On The Flat
-The Avalanches- Frontier Psychiatrist
-Peaches- F*** The Pain Away
-Daft Punk- Derezzed
-Johnny Cash- God's Gonna Cut You Down


For That Massive Hill
-The Prodigy- Spitfire, Firestarter
-Led Zep- When The Levee Breaks


When the Going Gets Hard
-Snow Patrol- The Lightning Strike
-Ennio Moricone- L'Estasi Dell'oro (the finale of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)




Finishing
-Sigur Ros- Hoppipolla
-Civil Twilight- Letters From The Sky


...and a few more. My entire playlist is on Spotify HERE, and it's not just good for cycling :-)


It's now two weeks until the coast to coast ride, we are still collecting sponsorships, and any suggestions for the epic playlist are more than welcome!

The Peloton Fashion Parade

Back in the day (as such), it was often difficult to tell who was who in cycle races. This was partly due to the fact that a large majority of them were/looked like coal miners after a long race due to the fact that they rode on dirt track rather than the fancy tarmacadam'ed stuff we have today. Another factor was that as life was in black and white back then, so everyone was in fact wearing varying shades of gray. 


These days, we have a massive variety of different options and "colourways" for what we choose to attire ourselves with. No longer are we restricted to the simple striped designs of the 1950s, nor the day-glo creations of the 80's (although it that's your bag, go for it!) What you wear is now more of a statement to the world.


Option 1: The Hi-Viz

Worn by: Commuters, people who ride in the dark, quietly seething models (see left).


Advantage: Cars have no excuse for not seeing you. Also, if you wear it for long enough, it gets that washed out look that screams "I'm a hardened cyclist, I fear you not!"


Disadvantage: It's a bit 80's techno isn't it?






Option 2: The Team strip

Worn by: Mainly MAMILs (Middle-Aged Men in Lycra) and guys who actually ride professionally.


Advantage: You feel like your cycling hero, kitted out in the same gear.


Disadvantage: You're technically a walking sandwich board of advertising. People will assume you are as fast as your cycling heroes. You are not.




Option 3: The Vintage

Worn by: Hipsters, people who were around at the time.


Advantage: I guess you get to pay homage to those who came before you or something like that


Disadvantage: You're also wearing the same gear as that bearded 65 year old who just outpaced you. You wont ever be as fast as Eddie Merckx. Hipsters.


Option 4: The Wa-haha-cky!

Worn by: Those with a skewed sense of humour, the author (see left)


Advantage: You get to show you're a fun-loving guy, and it detracts from your portly frame. People don't bother racing you.


Disadvantage: Hearing bone jokes ("no bones about you", "my, that's a slimming jersey") gets old real fast. You will end up known as the "skeleton guy".








I think the jersey to the right is going to be my next acquisition. Pin the colours to the mast :-D

Quick update!

Hey anyone reading this. Just a quick update. It's just under 3 weeks now until we're underway! Training rides this week were snowed off, and night shifts have scuppered any attempt at anything other then sleep and eating. 


But there is news! Good news! The guys organising the ride have finally got a paypal account thing sorted. So if you want to donate, then you can click on the donate button below. Being paypal, it is totally secure,  and just a question of putting your details in. 


For the uninitated, we are all raising money for the Dundee University DARE society charities. They essentially send student volunteers out to build orphanages and things like that. And the guys going out pay their own airfare, accomodation and food costs. It's not charity tourism! And certainly not a gap yaaah. We are Dundee Uni, rather than St Andrews after all ;-).


DONATE (thankyou)

And I was like "yeah, lets go" and the weather was all like "Hell no!"

It was a nice morning this morning, thought I, as I awoke to the strains of my bicycle bell alarm clock, climbed out of my bed, adorned with a livestrong duvet set and and poured a cup of Eddy Merckx coffee into my Tour de France mug (yellow, naturally). "I know!" thought I, standing in my Bianchi pajamas "I'll head over the river for a nice wee training run!"


That's not quite how it went. I don't eat sleep and breathe cycling (nearly, but not quite). I've been up all night, writing up a cv for a career planning class- just like a real student! But I was determined to head over the river for a nice wee ride. 


Unfortunately, the weather had other designs on this. 30 MPH wind style designs. In my face. I got about 5 miles out and collapsed in front of a conveniently placed local purveyor of foodstuffs and the like, gibbering something about chainrings and "la forme". Even the sugar-tinged orange bevarage known as IRN-BRU (never without all caps. It's tough stuff). Couldn't revive me. So I headed back. 


There's a lesson to be learnt here. Check the weather first. Unlike hills (see previous posts) you cannot fight the wind. You can swear at it as much as you want (there was much "Ahabing". But you can't fight it. Know when to give up- the strength to do so is as important as the strength to keep going. But it does help if you give up at the top of a hill rather than the bottom ;-)

It's the Weekly Update!

It's time for the weekly Tuesday Wednesday Thursday update! Less than a month to go now (see the clock below- apologies for the ad, but I don't know enough code to get rid of it!), and it's all coming together actually. The update is at the bottom for anyone bothering to follow my progress :-).

The one thing that we need is SPONSORS! As I've said before- all the money goes directly to the charities involved in the projects- the folk going don't get a free ride at all! And to sweeten the deal, for anybody who sponsors me, I will bring you back a (small) rock from the Ardnamurchan peninsula myself. 


To sponsor me: E-mail me at r.fitch@dundee.ac.uk with your name, number and how much you would like to sponsor me. Oh, and what kind of rock you would like (roughly).


Four of us rode on a turbo trainer in the union on Tuesday night, and raised an amazing £205, which is pretty darn epic! Having a bunch of guys on a blue road bike on a club night obviously had the positive effect. 

Treacle: Sticky stuff....

For the uninitiated- a turbo trainer is far less exciting than it sounds. Tis essentially a steel frame with a roller that has resistance. You clip the bike in, and the rear wheel spins on the roller and you're on a roll, but not really, obviously. When you first jump on, it's rather like pedalling through treacle. 


You will tilt the bike over at least once the first time, but just try not to do what I did and lunge forward on the attack, ripping the bike from the trainer and careering forwards into the masses.


UPDATE!

Current Mileage (according to 2 week old bike computer)- 160 miles (+38 miles!)

Average speed on home run: 15mph (sticking around that)

Current weight: Total loss of 6Kg- great!

Current mantra: “Ah, yes, the sponsorship. That."

Things wrong with bike: New brakes in shop. No money to get them :-(. Thus stuck with old "Spongy" brakes. Need new bar tape. Other than that, nothing!

Bicycle Anatomy 101

Here, we see the modern road bike in all it's glory. It has goodness knows how many little moving bits. Here's a wee anatomy lesson- don't worry, there's no test at the end.

Tyres: The bit that touches the ground obviously! Thousands of variants- for puncture protection get some with extra steel or kevlar in them- they're more expensive but you save in lack of punctures. Tyre size, like wheel size is a string of irrelevant numbers- road bikes are 700c, mountain bikes 26" and old bikes have really crazy numerations like 10 3/4 X 28 and such.



Yeah...that's not gonna fly.

Wheels: These come in many guises, but they must be round, and usually must fit (rather obviously!) If your wheels aren't perfectly round, it's no biggy but you can take them into a bike shop and get them "trued" to make life easier.

Forks: Not for eating pasta, these are the bits that the wheel slots into, front and rear. On most bikes, these face forwards rather than backwards. If your wheels are touching the frame, this is why! In a head-on crash, forks will take the brunt of the force so check them for cracks afterwards.

Headset: The turny bit between your bars and fork. Generally ignore it until your wheels start to lock. Definitely don't open it up unless you want greasy ball bearings everywhere!

Handlebars: Come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and contortions. Drop bars, as seen here, look kinda like fangs. They let you go a bit lower when the cold wind blows. Straight bars are found on mountain bikes, and moustache handlebars are found on old bikes- the kind that curve backwards gently.

Brakes: For stopping! Always make sure that your brake pads are not so high up they are overlapping with the wheel, because they'll wear down and cut a hole in your tyre (no, seriously!) If you oil your brakes (which you should) then make sure you wipe any excess off and don't get any on the pads.

Frame: The main body of the bike. Comes in all sorts of materials- Steel is tougher, aluminium slightly lighter and carbon fibre is stupidly expensive and delicate. Make sure you get a size that fits you- a major problem when buying online.

A crank, yesterday, on someone's arm

Crank: Toothy thing that rips your trousers to shreds on right side of bike. Comes in different sizes. Big ones= more speed, have to push harder. Small ones= less speed per spin, easier to get up hills. Some bikes have one, some two and some three. The smallest one is often known as a "granny ring", which sounds really dodgy.

Derailleur: The bit that flicks the chain from toothy thing to toothy thing. Will sometimes decide not to work until a really inappropriate moment. When you bash the right side of your bike, this will be the main bit that gets screwed up.

Saddle: Your perch for the duration of the cycling journey. Most people will opt for a massively padded one, but this can actually be detrimental to comfort as it causes more sheering. Most long-term cyclists will have a "lucky saddle" which they refuse to part with after it has been worn in. Many people put stock in Brooks saddles, old school leather ones that hurt like a beach until they are worn in.

Hills- They're not declining...

Taken from Cycling Weekly, March 8th 1943


"The Hill is the worst thing that the modern cyclist can face. Larger and more fearsome than those experienced by previous generations, they range from metres to miles long in length. Their method of attack tends to be to go for the legs before attacking the respiratory system. They tend to work in packs made up of a number of hills, including infant hills (or hillettes). Particular kinds that one should be wary of are the mountain and the slow hill. The best way to deal with hills is to avoid them. However if one must face a hill, then staying calm is the most important measure. Pedalling hard and weighing as little as possible also helps.


BE WARNED! HILLS CAN KILL! (your legs)."


But in all seriousness... few cyclists like hills (bar nutters that tie themselves to cliffs and ride up them- yes that is actually a sport!) There are two main ways to take a hill:


1. Screaming "I AM AHAB GODDAMMIT!" pedalling as hard as possible into the hill before changing down gears rapidly. Rise out of the saddle when the pace gets too slow. Arrive at top, pause for breath, rinse and repeat.


2. Change to a lower gear, make your legs spin real fast and arrive at the top at a delicate pace, with no hair out of place, never having left the saddle.


Personally, I tend to go for 1- I find that getting to the top of a hill in the fastest time possible means less time on the hill and less pain. Of course this could have something to do with the fact that I weigh far too much, but hey. Also, when cycling up a hill into a headwind, it is customary to hurl abuse at the wind. Not abnormal at all (Just ask anyone who has ever been out on a ride with me).

So tell me about your derallieur...

A major part of hill climbing is psychological. It's like dentists asking you about your holiday whilst they have pointy things in your mouth. It's distrac...LOOOK! OVER THERE!!!!!....tion. Various methods I've heard used are:
-Make up acronyms using number plates of passing cars
-Count the number of pedal revolutions
-Solve complex equations
-Count stripes on the road and work out how many there are per Km
-Consider how many steps it would be to walk the same distance.


Another thing is that hills are often not as bad as they appear. The monster often becomes a molehill as you get closer. If you get some momentum going, then you'll be fine. 


Another common mistake is seeing a hill and immediately changing down. This isn't strictly necessary. Try changing down when you begin to feel the resistance of the pedals increasing. 


Finally, some words of advice from the only household name cyclist- Lance Armstrong:


Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.



Next time you're going up a hill, try and work out how many vowels there is in that :-p

Weekly Update!

Crap, we've got a logo now!
This is official!

It's been a week since I've started writing this here blog. So what have I done? Well there was a meeting of the DARE (which it turns out stands for Development and Research Expeditions) cycling folk last week- the route is being planned. We also now have a logo (see left)! So this is really happening! Very excited. We've also started fund-raising, as we are doing this for charity after all. 


Part of the fundraising, for anybody in Dundee, will be me and a few other brave volunteers getting our legs waxed outside the union. The date is yet to be confirmed, but there will be pictures, and there will be video. If anybody can wax, or wants to sponsor me for the loss of my leg hair and dignity, let me know- the e-mail is below. 


All money donated goes directly to the DARE causes, which this year can be found here. They include helping construct a hospital in Tanzania, working in a children's hospital in Borneo and setting up a summer camp for Romany children in Bulgaria. It's all really good stuff, so if you can, please donate anything you can. I'll be posting details of how to do so shortly, but if do want to donate, you can send me a message at r.fitch@dundee.ac.uk.

Current Mileage (according to 2 week old bike computer)- 122 miles (+23 miles)

Average speed on home run: 15mph (+2mph- gf didn't quite get why I was quite so excited lol)

Current running mileage: Still 1.82 miles, been very busy :-(

Current weight: Scales say 5Kg less- that'll be the first diet week blip though :-p.

Current mantra: “You know, I think this might just be possible"

Things wrong with bike: Bike is in shop, getting new breaks and suchlike. Thus riding older, heavier bike.- great training I guess.

F@!###! A car!: On not being hit by cars.

I'm gonna start with a video- It's a little bit graphic, especially if you are sensitive to cyclists bouncing off of windscreens. Be pre-warned.

For those with exceedingly short attention spans, the action hits at about 0:55. This is in Brasil, where apparently they have a weekly protest on bikes over how many cars there are. For those of you who didn't watch the video (See, I'm catering for everybody!) it shows a whole load of cyclists being hit by a car. I mean the guy must have been scoring points, Rambo style.


At some point, if you cycle a bit, you will be hit by a car or hit a car at some point. It's almost a law. Fear not, this is not gonna be a helmet-wearing rant- I'm not bothered how you attire your bonce. The problem with cars and bicycles sharing a road is a simple physics problem. A car weighs about 50 times what a bike weighs (and that's a small car!). In an argument, the car wins.


So how to stay safe? Well the first rule would be don't cycle like a moron. Lights are red for a reason- other cars are moving (usually fast) across where you want to go. And they don't share. Similarly,if riding on the wrong side of the road (or salmoning, as BikeSnobNYC calls it) you are a minority. In an argument, you will use.


Big vehicles are not your friend. Bus drivers, van drivers, lorry drivers- you think they look every time when they've been driving all day? Also, their blind spots are big enough to park...well, a bus in. Also, not all road users are going to be nice to you. Some people just turn into Mad Max when they get behind the wheel. You kinda get used to this in a while, and may develop BIP or Bike-Induced Paranoia, where you think every driver is out to get you.

Solid Snake, in the dark on a bike.

Light em up boyo! It doesn't matter if the cool kids don't, it doesn't matter that a whole load of lights are ugly warts upon your frame. It definitely is a poor fashion choice, but wear fluorescent stuff like it's the 80's again and you're the sixth member of DEVO. You're not Solid Snake- you want to be seen! If people are gonna drive like idiots, don't give them an excuse not to see you.


Maintain your bike. I just had to buy some new brakes. I hate buying things for my bike that don't make it faster or let me ride longer. But it's a necessity. If you can't stop when you want to, or you have to brake half a mile back, fix it! Brake pads are about £2 from Tesco, so there is no reason why not. Not being able to stop and going headlong into the side of a gigantic black pickup is not the best- trust me :-D.


So yeah. That and a large amount of luck (not available in stores) and you should be ok. There's no point in getting paranoid about being hit, but there are ways to improve the odds.

'Dem Dere Voodoo Punctures.

I got a puncture this morning. Whilst stationary. After riding home perfectly fine and delicately placing my bike on a sheet in the spare room (on the insistence of my darling girlfriend), I woke up, leapt on my bike, and the tyre was pancake. A great start to the day. There is little more deflating (I'm sorry!) to a cyclist than a flat.


Different people have different superstitions. Sailors don't whistle at sea, most people don't walk under ladders, and some doctors seem to believe in "Coffee Ju-Ju" (see Grey's Anatomy). Cyclists, being the strange breed that they are, seem to believe in "Puncture Voodoo". Now this doesn't mean coating your tyres in the blood of a black cat or any strange stuff like that. It's a far more obscure than that. 

Baron Samedi- Just got a puncture.

The odds of you getting a puncture are not down to how many pointy things there are on the ground, oh no. Essentially it is a combination of factors such as:


-Do you have a bike pump/spare inner tube? If yes, then you will certainly definitely not get a flat. Ever. These pieces of equipment are merely preventative talismans (or talismen?). In the three years I have owned a wee travel pump, I've never used it in anger (well, not the kind that involves inflating tyres)


-If you don't have the above items, how close is the nearest bike shop? Nobody ever gets a puncture outside a bike shop. Ever. It's like the emanate some kind of puncture preventing radiation. Punctures are most common when you are a good 50 miles clear of the nearest vendor of inner tubes. And you have to walk. With your bike. In cleated shoes.


-Is it raining? Of course the answer to this question if you live in Scotland is Yes. Yes it is. Right now. The odds of getting a puncture in inclement weather increase as the wind gets heavier, the hailstones get bigger and the bolts of lightning get closer. There really is nothing more fun than a repair on the side of the road in mud up to your knees in gale force winds with blue hands.


-Imagine posting a really good time, for once leading the field with the competition trailing behind you. Either that or breaking your own personal speed record, down on the drops, eyes flicking to the speedmeter. Guess what's next! Senor punctuado strikes again!


-It is also important to keep the same tyres forever. Some cyclists take great pleasure in going on about their "lucky tyres", which they've had on for 2 years/3 decades/forever and have never had any punctures. This then causes another cyclist to counter with an even more audacious boast. Moral of the story? Don't ever ask a cyclist something about their bike


BONUS FUN FLAT TIME!
If you're English, passing through any site of English defeat at the hands of the Scots will lead to an acute loss of tyre pressure. This has happened to me at both Bannockburn and Killiecrankie. It's the voodoo man....

Cycling for the poor student

So yeah, I'm a student. And as such, I therefore never have any money. Ever. Student loan just about covers rent for a month and some cat food. So this doesn't leave much for cycling, which is traditionally a ridiculously expensive sport (£15,000 set of wheels anybody?)

They'd better be diamond studded.

But don't let this put you off! You can cycle on a budget. Mainly because you don't need all that fancy stuff! So here's my guide.


Professional cyclists use: Fancy-ass balanced sciency drink stuff.
For the poor cyclist: Sugar-free squash, add sugar and a pinch of salt and some crushed pro plus.


Professional cyclists use: Specifically balanced bars and gels
For the poor cyclist: Jelly! Beef jerky! Bananas!


Professional cyclists use: This season's highly specialized clothing that is tailored to fit.
For the poor cyclist: Sportswear from a charity shop, one of those black + white neck-scarfs that were trend a few years ago.


Professional cyclists use: A fully fledged team of spotters, mechanics and sports nutritionalists.
For the poor cyclist: The internet and library books.


Professional cyclists use: Precise GPS tracking.
For the poor cyclist: Runtracker.com lets you map what you rode for free. Couple that with a stopwatch of some variety and you're sorted. There's loads of other variations.


Professional cyclists use: Brand new carbon fibre bikes that you can lift with a finger.
For the poor cyclist: Last season's heavy-ass bike with parts that will fall off pretty sharpish.


Professional cyclists use: Specific pressure watchers, a set of brushes, degreasing fluid
For the poor cyclist: A bucket, fairy liquid and a dish brush.


Professional cyclists use: Indoor static trainers, complete with ridiculous things like sweat catching bike protectors. Seriously. 
For the poor cyclist: There's a road outside your house right? Go. Ride. Repeat.

The Beginning

Some of you folks will know me- my name is Ryan Fitch, I'm 21, a psychology student and I like to ride my bicycle (much like one Mr F. Mercury). Despite protests from my legs and long suffering bicycle, I've signed up to do a coast to coast bike ride in April. Coast to Coast- Dundee to Ardnamurchan point (somewhere so remote I had to google maps it). It's going to be 222 miles of hills, pain and sweat.

For the uninitated, I give you Scotland!

As much as I like to cycle, I've never done anything like this before- and I am s*** scared! So this blog is to be my diary of how I am getting on. Right now, my bike is a wreck, and so am I. By april 2nd, I hope to be lighter and stronger. Here's hoping!

But I am not doing this by myself, or for my own entertainment. The entire journey is to raise money for D.A.R.E, and there will be 15 of us! Not entirely sure what the acronym DARE stand for, but they're a group here at the University of Dundee who raise money to do all sorts of nice things like dig wells and build orphanages in various third world nations. And the best thing is that all the money that we raise will be going directly to the charities they support. The folk going out pay their own air fare and costs and stuff. So it's not a "Gap Yaaaaahhh" thing (see below video :-D). You can find the D.A.R.E Website here

So here I go. I'm never going to be Chris Hoy any time soon, but capable. That's the aim- capable.

Current Mileage (according to 2 week old bike computer)- 89 miles.

Average speed on home run: 13mph

Current running mileage: 1.82 miles on runkeeper.com (my username is ajohndoe.)

Current weight: Scales say [NO COACHLOADS]

Current mantra: “Pain is temporary... eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

Things wrong with bike: Brakes don't work, wheels are not quite round, bar tape is coming off, rust everywhere.



Woo! Yeah! Ouch! Oooeerrr!