Hills- They're not declining...

Taken from Cycling Weekly, March 8th 1943


"The Hill is the worst thing that the modern cyclist can face. Larger and more fearsome than those experienced by previous generations, they range from metres to miles long in length. Their method of attack tends to be to go for the legs before attacking the respiratory system. They tend to work in packs made up of a number of hills, including infant hills (or hillettes). Particular kinds that one should be wary of are the mountain and the slow hill. The best way to deal with hills is to avoid them. However if one must face a hill, then staying calm is the most important measure. Pedalling hard and weighing as little as possible also helps.


BE WARNED! HILLS CAN KILL! (your legs)."


But in all seriousness... few cyclists like hills (bar nutters that tie themselves to cliffs and ride up them- yes that is actually a sport!) There are two main ways to take a hill:


1. Screaming "I AM AHAB GODDAMMIT!" pedalling as hard as possible into the hill before changing down gears rapidly. Rise out of the saddle when the pace gets too slow. Arrive at top, pause for breath, rinse and repeat.


2. Change to a lower gear, make your legs spin real fast and arrive at the top at a delicate pace, with no hair out of place, never having left the saddle.


Personally, I tend to go for 1- I find that getting to the top of a hill in the fastest time possible means less time on the hill and less pain. Of course this could have something to do with the fact that I weigh far too much, but hey. Also, when cycling up a hill into a headwind, it is customary to hurl abuse at the wind. Not abnormal at all (Just ask anyone who has ever been out on a ride with me).

So tell me about your derallieur...

A major part of hill climbing is psychological. It's like dentists asking you about your holiday whilst they have pointy things in your mouth. It's distrac...LOOOK! OVER THERE!!!!!....tion. Various methods I've heard used are:
-Make up acronyms using number plates of passing cars
-Count the number of pedal revolutions
-Solve complex equations
-Count stripes on the road and work out how many there are per Km
-Consider how many steps it would be to walk the same distance.


Another thing is that hills are often not as bad as they appear. The monster often becomes a molehill as you get closer. If you get some momentum going, then you'll be fine. 


Another common mistake is seeing a hill and immediately changing down. This isn't strictly necessary. Try changing down when you begin to feel the resistance of the pedals increasing. 


Finally, some words of advice from the only household name cyclist- Lance Armstrong:


Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.



Next time you're going up a hill, try and work out how many vowels there is in that :-p